Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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