I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
