Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
