how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
