I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
