I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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