She's JV to your varsity
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
