Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
nutella sex= disaster
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
