yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
