Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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