Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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