why didn't you poke me back
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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