Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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