When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
