I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
