I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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