I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
