you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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