Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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