can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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