Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
