I wish my penis had an off switch
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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