ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he shaved USA in his pubs
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I could fuck to npr.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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