how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
