i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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