Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
