Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
