Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
