Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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