i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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