Cold hands, warm shart.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do herpes really smell.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
