he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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