I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
