I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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