Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
