O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
