I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
