i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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