just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
