I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
