K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
