this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
