Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
