Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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