At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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