How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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