no. you can't hotbox the world.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
