physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
