I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
