I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
