My vagina just recognized that song.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
