i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
